i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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