After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
