She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
