So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
