Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
