So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
