LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
