I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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