shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
