I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
