Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
