I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
