Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
