He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
