just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
