Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
