I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
