pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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