i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
