Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
