So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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