Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
