you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
