You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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