this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
