Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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