Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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