it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
