I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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