If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
