ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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