Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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