I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
