he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
