Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize