He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
