Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
