Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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