You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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