When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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