I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
