About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
