i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
