my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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