Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We had sex on a dog bed..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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