I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
