he thought i was a dude.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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