it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
