I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
