Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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