That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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