she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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