hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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