I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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