Do vagina's smell?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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