best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
