I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
