I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
