If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
