You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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