She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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