My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
