I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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