As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
