apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
