I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
