You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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