What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
