Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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