just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
