You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
