allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
