There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's blow job season.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
