If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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