she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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