her vagine was all disorganized.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
