Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
