If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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