idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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