she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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