i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
