So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
